Victorian Book of the Dead

[leanie]

Thanks for this very interesting thread. I clicked on the links and found them really moving. It really shows how society has moved on and how we now view what is acceptable and what isnt.

What I really wanted to ask, mentioned in the first page of this thread is 'The others' - can anyone tell me what/who this refers to please?

Thanks

They might be referring to the file 'The Others' with Nicole Kidman?
I don't want to spoil it so if you want to look it up but you haven't seen it be careful reading through the synopsis xx

[shellyj]

I have just had a quick 'skim' of this thread (will definately read it all when I have time) and have also looked at the two 'books'.

I was expecting to be upset or horrified I think but actually I found the photographs very tasteful in the main. I did have a problem with the ones showing actual autopseys (not sure it is necessary to photograph them) and some of the 'open eyed' pictures seemed a bit strange but mostly I thought they were peaceful.

Regarding the issue of scrapping funerals and death. I haven't done it myself and to be honest I'm not sure if I would but if our scrapbooks are a way of telling our life stories then death must be a part of that.

Finally, I have been doing alot of research into my family tree recently and the Victorians certainly had a very different attitude towards death from us. I think they were almost resigned to it as it was so common (especially among children).

Thanks for starting this thread - it's great to have such an indepth discussion on such an interesting topic

[sheilaj]

Not going to look at the pictures...I am highly susceptible to nightmares and just don't need them. Having said that, I think we all need to grieve and find comfort in our own way.
My Mum died 3 weeks ago. She knew that she was failing and had had enough. While we had never sat down and had a beginning to end conversation, she had talked about what she wanted and didn't want at her funeral quite casually as a part of everyday chat. She hated to see any of us wear black and had specified a cheeerful no black funeral, also she had seen a basketwork (wicker) casket on TV and said that she wanted one of those (She had been a craft teacher and basketry expert).
Anyway we had a barbie pink hearse and a lovely casket with pink and white flowers and we took photos as some of the family weren't able to be there. And yes those photos are a comfort...

[jo.power]

This topic amazes me. I did follow the link and found the pictures strangly calming. The pictures are strange because we don't do it anymore but when my sister was in hospital with terminal cancer we took photos of her when she was in ICU so that her children who were 9,8,3 and 2 could someday understand what she went through. When she died she wasn't that same person, she looked like a statue from a film set. 6 months later I went with my husband to veiw his nan in her coffin and was scared stupid but when I did finally look she looked peaceful. When we went to his nans funeral his mum took pictures of the wake and of the flowers and of the cars. Each person deals with their grief in their own way.
I wouldn't scrap a page of my sister as she died and I wouldn't scrap a page of my husbands nan in her coffin either but can understand why you might of your baby.
My sister died nearly 10 years ago and as of yet I still have not got a page of her alive in any of my albums maybe one day.

[Mandy]

They might be referring to the file 'The Others' with Nicole Kidman?
I don't want to spoil it so if you want to look it up but you haven't seen it be careful reading through the synopsis xx

Thanks for that - Ill look out for it

[Smileyk]

I've probably posted on here before but I can't remember and I don't know if I'll say the same things this time. I can't say I have any urge to look at the photos and I don't really find them upsetting except perhaps the ones of children. I hate that children die. I didn't look at the ones with eyes open / painted on and I think I would find that gross.

My husband works at a funeral directors and has embalmed in the past and hopes to start back at it in the future. So to him death is just normal. I know far more about death and embalming than I really need to know if I'm honest but I'm curious and can't help asking him questions! To me death is horrible and I hate it. When members of my family die, they are gone. I don't want to see an "empty" body and I don't want to grieve at a headstone. Typically I want the funeral over as quickly as possible (I find funerals awful!) so I can get on with life. The loved one who has died lives on in my heart and mind and I often think of them but I don't dwell on it and I don't remember the day they died or anything like that. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that I'm a little strange in the way I feel but that's just me! I hope to God that I never have to lose a child so I don't have to know how that feels. But I've lost beloved grandparents, brother in law and parents and I've been the same each time. In fact my mum died 6 weeks after my BIL and had jokingly planned her funeral at BIL's funeral! Talk about irony! I do have a photo of my mums coffin but only because it was a wicker one with flowers threaded into it and I wanted to show someone who couldn't be there. I would not want a photo of her dead.

I saw my grandma and my dad shortly after they'd died and it's not something I would ever want to do again. I can see still them now and I really wish I couldn't. Mind you I also see my dad on the floor with paramedics trying to resusicitate him and I wish I could forget that - but I can't.

[lisawilson]

I must admit I dont find the photos of the adults upseting but did find the ones of the babies/children quite sad.

It is really interseting topic though as I never knew this was practised

[madhattermillie]

Thanks for this very interesting thread. I clicked on the links and found them really moving. It really shows how society has moved on and how we now view what is acceptable and what isnt.

What I really wanted to ask, mentioned in the first page of this thread is 'The others' - can anyone tell me what/who this refers to please?

Thanks

Mandy, it was me referred to it, and yes it was about the film with nicole kidman. Its an oddly interesting film, well worth a watch!

[Lucie]

One of the blogs I read is written by a young woman whose first baby was stillborn last year and she has posted lots of photos of the babe on there and is hoping to do an exhibition of the photos (she lives in the US). There are a lot of photo montages of stillborn babes on You Tube as well.

I can totally understand why parents would want to show these photos, but I don't think I would make them so public if it was me.

I found the photos of the babies and children on that website very sad. I can just imagine how devastated the parents much have been. There is a photo (not sure if it's on the website linked or if it was on another one) of a Victorian father holding his baby and the grief in his eyes just had me in tears.

My personal view is that they were a lovely memorial for the families.

Lucie